Expectations and Motivation

This one might be a long one, just a heads up.  So I just got a new job last week busing tables at a restaurant.  Now I have no problem busing tables, because I needed a job and have no qualms about cleaning up after people.  But it did make me start thinking about some things.

If I could go back in time four years, or eight, or ten, and ask my younger self what I thought about my future, I'm not sure what I would've said.  I'm very much a go-with-the-flow type guy, and don't worry too much about what the future holds.  I probably would've assumed that I would be teaching, or working for some business, making plenty of money and being a stable adult.  If I had known that I would be living in South Philly, not making much money, and generally living, as my friend refers to it, "in a fantasy world", I would've never believed it.

I also wonder what people who I used to know might think of me now.  High school classmates and teachers, college friends and professors.  Would they believe that I still had long, shaggy hair and a thick beard?  Or that I sit on my stoop for a few hours a day chatting with neighbors and smoking hand rolled cigarettes?  I doubt any of them envisioned that as my future.  But what does it all mean exactly?

I don't view myself as a failure in any way, shape, or form.  Would I like to be making more money?  Of course, but so would most people.  Would I like to get a job that I loved doing?  Absolutely, but I know that is a luxury for most of the world.  And am I happy with my life?  Certainly, at least most of the time.  Which leads me to the "motivation" part.

I am incredibly envious of people who seem to have it figured out.  My little sister is currently in San Diego, working for a non-profit that she feels passionately about.  And while I couldn't be happier for her, I'm also jealous that she has found something she loves doing.  There are things in this world that I believe in, and things in this world that I really enjoy doing.  But I don't know that I've found something that I have that kind of passion for yet.  I'm not sure if it's because I'm still growing up, or because I haven't tried hard enough, or if that thing just hasn't come along in my life yet.  But I think it would be really cool to have that thing to push me.

As I said, I am very happy with the life I lead.  I realize what a great life I've lead, and couldn't ask for much more.  I just can't help but wonder, if life has taken me down this path that I never expected already, what's next?